


Slowly Unfolding

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Series: Finding Home Away From Home (GQ/NB Dean Winchester with Shadow Moon Fics) [16]
Category: American Gods (TV), American Gods - Neil Gaiman, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shadow is Imprisoned by Technical Boy, Coffee, Complete, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fae & Fairies, Fae Gender, Gen, Nonbinary Character, POV Dean Winchester, POV Second Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Queer Character, Queer Gen, Queer Shadow Moon, Queerplatonic Relationships, Recovery, Shadow has PTSD, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Trans Dean, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-23 10:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11987706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Shadow didn't go to a mundane prison.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I like to create AUs by moving events around on the timeline in ways that essentially change how the characters would react. If you follow the timeline of this series/'verse, Shadow doesn't go to mundane prison, and actually ends up there after knowing a little too much for his own good, maybe, possibly. This 'verse is my happy place and there's liable to be more. Begins with my story Tinker Bell.

You have wrapped your arms around Shadow tonight and pulled him close. It’s the only thing you know how to do, sometimes, when his head is full of demons. You can’t sense them on the wind with things like the scent of sulfur or a moving salt line but you know all the same from the hitch in his breath.

Your best friend. Your other half. With his breath uneven and his movements shaky.

He doesn’t want to talk about it, you know. And you don’t want to push. And so you won’t. If there’s anything Shadow’s done, it’s to honor your boundaries at all times as soon as he’s known what they were.

A whimper escapes his throat, high and reedy in the air.

“Shadow,” you whisper. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

“Technical Boy--” He cuts himself off.

Just as softly, “Not Technical Boy. No goons. Your faerie’s here, Shadow.”

“I…” He turns his head to look at you. You aren’t sure, but it seems like maybe his breathing is slowing down.

“Your faerie’s here,” you repeat.

He doesn’t have words, but he nods. He takes you in as his focus.

“I--feel--” He pauses, swallows hard, “I’m sorry.”

“No, Shadow. You don’t need to be sorry.”

“I don’t know-- I can’t--”

You blow out a breath. Then you kiss him so gently on the cheek. “I wish I knew the right words to say. But I’m here.”

That snaps him to attention suddenly. “Winchester.”

“Right here.”

“You’re here.”

You pull him closer and squeeze tighter. “Right here.”

He leans into you, shivering. Coming down from his level of anxiety. His heart doesn’t beat so fast anymore. His hands find yours in the dark. “Thank you.”

“It’s what I can do.”

“It’s enough.”

His words are coming faster now and with more determination behind them.

“Oh, Winchester.”

“I’ve got you.”

“Thank you,” he breathes, burrowing closer. “Thank you.”

You know it is the least you can do. As you keep a close eye on him, allowing slight motion into the picture as you hold him, this is, well, it is what you can give. There is no easy answer for dealing with a set of experiences neither of you have words for yet. He was there, and he’ll talk about them when he’s ready.

For now, what you can do is hold on.

It seems to be enough.


	2. Chapter 2

It is three in the morning and Shadow is drinking coffee. The scent wakes you from your sleep and you breathe it in. You are expecting to see light streaming in the window when you glance that way but there’s nothing like that, outside is still dark.

You pad into the kitchen after him, an eyebrow raised.

“I don’t want to sleep. Ever again.”

“Nightmares?”

He shrugs.

“You’ve got me, you know.”

“I know.”

“Doesn’t solve everything, but, well…”

He smiles a little. “Not everything, but a lot.” Then his face goes back to the neutral-angry you know so well from what people later told you was PTSD, maybe the thing that propelled you out of your father’s house to begin with.

“You don’t want to talk about it,” you say quietly.

He gives a resigned sigh. “I don’t know. Not right now. Right now, coffee.”

“Sunglasses at night.”

“More or less.”

“Glad you are getting your caffeine on. Hey. Can I…?”

He allows you to cross the room to him and wrap him in an overpowering hug, leans back against you and sighs. “Mm. Winchester.”

“Yeah?”

“Best thing that’s happened to me. In a long time.”

“The feeling is mutual, Shadow. I got you.”

“You ever miss, you know, people?”

“Not really. Like, you mean Sam?”

“Sort of.”

“Sam was scary. Like really scary all the time, Shadow.”

“I know. But you know.”

“Sometimes.” You sigh. “Mostly I feel responsible.”

“You feel responsible for everything.”

“Yeah, well, little old ladies who give me cake think I am too.”

Shadow laughs. “Hey, be nice about her, I know the cake was good.”

“She baked it herself.” You lean down and kiss him on the forehead. “Hey, maybe one day you’ll talk to me about your stuff.”

He nods and sighs. “I will.”


	3. Chapter 3

Three AM coffee, round two, or is it more than that now? You realize for the first time Shadow’s been doing this for a little while, just not always waking you up.

“The thing about it,” he says, when you’re settled into the chair across from him, “Is…” He pauses. “Will you…?”

You take his hand, and slowly you feel his entire body relax. “Oh.”

“Gotcha.”

“I…”

“Hey. Breathe.” He does, but you can tell it’s forced now.

“I want to tell you but I can’t.”

“Not tonight. Hold on.” You get up and cross the room to him. “Gotcha. Don’t push. We’ve got time.”

“Do we?”

You look at each other, and you try not to drink in his fear, although it is tempting. It’s something you know how to do.

“We do according to me.”

“And Odin, maybe,” he says.

“And Odin, sweetheart. I’ve got you. Breathe.”

“Don’t let me go.”

“I won’t.”


	4. Chapter 4

It takes three weeks of mostly quiet three AM coffee dates before Shadow can say anything.

“The thing about it was,” he says, “They were virtual. The goons. The...the people. They weren’t people. They were digital.”

“Mm.”

“So, I mean, three years solitary,” he says in a rush, like it’s his fault. “I don’t mean virtual like Internet people, I mean like people made of smoke. Of digits. There were no people there. I...couldn’t find any _people_.”

“Jesus, Shadow.”

“So now you know. I…”

“Now I know.”

“I can’t breathe.”

You take him in your arms. “Let me take you back to bed. Under the heated blanket.” Winter has become a special time for you both, reminiscent of Lakeside, of Iceland where one day...one day you’ll be, you can feel it.

“I’ve got you, Shadow.” And it will have to be enough, because it is what you have. It’s what you can give him.

He leans in and breathes against your chest, nodding into your shirt. “I know. I’ve got you too.”


End file.
